The Boomerang Children
by Patt Saso
http://www.sasoseminars.com/
Well, this summer we’ve reached a new milestone in the Saso family.
After a few years of being empty nesters we now have a full house again. Our sons moved back home, first one then the other. Then in June, after our youngest graduated from UC Santa Barbara, she returned.
Times are changing.
It is much harder for young adult kids to make it on their own. At least this is true in Silicon Valley.
Our boys tried. But the cost of rent and living expenses made it hard. They tell us they are moving home to save for the future and want to get out ASAP.
To help them out with this goal we are charging rent. It is like a forced savings. They don’t know this, of course, so please don’t tell our secret. They are upset with our decision.
Real parents would never do this!
Well, I’m for real. And life isn’t fair! Rent is due on the 1st.
It is very different with adult kids at home than teenagers, yet some things remain the same.
Complaints about their expectations of us and their sleep schedules haven’t changed. My boys are nocturnal, like night owls, but I no longer feel obligated to get them on a normal sleep cycle nor to get them up on time. And as long as I don’t hear them in the wee hours I’m okay. So far so good.
We had to adjust to household chores.
It took some time to work out this new community living arrangement. At first the kids thought since they were paying rent they shouldn’t have to help out.
Why do chores when you are already taking our money!
Then move to Motel 6. They’ll even leave the light on for you.
I have to say, our middle son is becoming quite the gardener. He definitely inherited the Saso genes. Our gardens are beautiful thanks to Paul. We may be the second generation of Sasos to get garden photos in Sunset Magazine!
There have been some positive unexpected changes.
I could never have planned this, but there is healing happening between parents and children.
We have had real conversations about past hurts. It is hard and painful to hear about my parenting crimes from my son. But the dialogue has gone both ways and what has been birthed is a whole new healthy relationship. Respectful and considerate.
I enjoy having my kids around now.
When they were all in high school I hated being a parent. I wanted them all to go off to college far-far away. I was even willing to pay!
But times are different now. I have grown. I have been more honest with myself about how I placed my agenda on my kids, even when they didn’t want me to. It has become clear as a Colorado blue sky my part in all our conflict. I was blinded by that a few years back.
I do have one serious complaint, though.
Why can’t three young adults in their early twenties, EVER get a new role of toilet paper back on the holder?
Enjoy your summer and we’ll see you next month.
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- Parents – Are you Prepared for the Teen Years? (10-16 y.o.)
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I recently attended one of your presentations about teen sexuality. Before I left, I bought $80 worth of CDs… best money I ever spent. I am a husband of 24 years, and my wife and I have a teen and a tweener. I have been listening to you both during my commuting times, and I feel as if we have become close friends. This is funny given we have never met. Your seminars have helped me to understand my role as a parent so much better. My wife and I already incorporate many of your ideas and suggestions, but there is so much more that you have imparted on me. THANK YOU.
Testimony from Elisabeth Romig:
I just want to thank you for all the good tips and insights. I have been reading your books and attending a couple seminars while my son was going through preteens and teens. Now that he is in college, I still find your articles encouraging and helpful because the worries don’t just go away. I really learned to be more patient and to not over-react when things did not seem to go the way I wanted.
Thanks and see you next month.
